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Whilst sitting in my metaphorical lounge chair, enjoying metaphorical cigars, metaphorical brandy, and my virtual retirement, I have been left to do much thinking on my own, on matters ranging to those of utmost importance, to those of even more utmost importance (I don’t waste time with matters of un-utmost importance).  But then the conundrum arose- what am I to do with these thoughts?  After more pondering, I decided it was best to share my knowledge with you all.  Take head, young leaders, and metaphorically sit around my metaphorical leather lounge chair with a metaphorical massage function and cup holders, while I share with you my secrets and experiences from my 4+ years of CP Army warfare.


These are my Revelations.


1. Bottoms Up!

So many times have I fought battles in which the enemy was occupying the upper portion of the room.  I will openly admit to doing so myself from time to time.  Now I know that I was wrong to do so.  The main goal in any battle in today’s form of warfare is simply to look the largest.  By occupying the bottom of the room, one’s army’s chat bombs and whatnot actually cover up the opponents, shrinking them.  If you are gaining territory, it is much easier to attack up than down.

2. Divide and Conquer.

 Young, reckless leader! Why is it that all your men are clumped together like a giant mass of poorly clad penguins?  Spread out!  You look bigger!  Also, have half your people occupy the top of the screen, and the other half the bottom.  Trap in the middle!  Yes, it takes a little bit more work, but that is what the chat room is for!

3. The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful…….

………….but it should not be for your enemies!  Rain snowballs on them!  Barrage!  Fire all the time!  Block the sun in a wall of snow balls!  Do it for old school CP Warfare’s sake!

4.  No excuses for leaders.

You make the rules, and you expect your people to follow them?  Then the onus is on YOU to follow your own rules with the utmost degree!  You can’t expect people to follow the rules you made if you yourself break them.

5.  Shut up and listen for once!

Rather than have people half on the chat and half on CP, why not get people to stop talking on CP, and wait for instructions there?  Pretty simple……..

6. Be patient.

Let them come to you.  You’ll soon know what I am talking about.

8. Make war, not love!

Or else, whats the point?  Conquer!  Go out and declare war on that army!  Lay stakes to that server!  Who cares?  We need war!  This is what keeps us alive.

9. Yes, you can defeat ACP!

Yes, you can!  In ACP’s strength lays their greatest weakness.  Their leaders are all paranoid.  They fear each other more than any other army.  Uprisings have happened before.  There will always be someone unhappy with the army.  Their vast numbers of soldiers are easily manipulated.  They are fools.  They sway from left to right.  They are more loyal to their individual leaders than the army as a whole.  Look for the rifts and cracks.  There is no need to make your own; trust me, they exist.  Simply pour a little water in there, let it freeze, expand, and I am sure you guys all get the idea.  ACP will implode under its’ own strength!

10. Wyoskyguy

Please enlighten me why we don’t get along?


I hope you all have found this informative.  Learn from this!  Learn!





11 Responses

  1. Well, it’s good to see you around.

    I guess the CPUN’s time is almost up. Is anyone else still interested in Club Penguin or anything for that matter? I can’t believe I’m starting to lose it. 😐

  2. Say if, just for example, an ACP leader were to lead a rebellion against the army, would the majority of the soldiers follow?

  3. That’s pretty much the general idea.

  4. That’s pretty much the general idea.

  5. You forgot 7.

    But anyways, I hate how ACP rarely throws snowballs, they really shouldn’t be “winning” if all they do is joke bombs.

  6. I have a strong dislike for the number seven. I do not recognize it as a legitimate number.

    I don’t need reasons.

  7. Really? I have those feelings for the number 8, but 7 is my favorite number.

  8. You’re all nuts

  9. @Dee If CPUN goes down, I’ll bring it back.

  10. You really have a good point at #7. 😆

  11. I know, no words tells it all. 😮

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